Archive | March 2012

Happy Birthday Beloved

He chooses me today. My life is bright. My heart smiles. My hands get the honor of holding his heart that  he has so graciously allowed me to hold.  How did I find you? I saw your eyes for the first time and my “knowing” saw you. I see you and you see me. No shades of me to hide from your gaze. No secrets to tuck away safely in the dark. I show you all and you show me all and my eyes delight in the gift of All of you.

Time has flown and it seems that we have loved each other forever. You celebrate me. You laugh “with” me, instead of “at” me. The reflection in your eyes pierces my soul with a love I have never known. Who am I to receive such a gift? What has brought you to me? I place my hand on my heart and feel your heart beat next to mine. Distance, space and time does not dim the light within that shines when I hear your voice or envision your smile.

The immortals have sent you to me, knowing that your soft touch can wipe away my tears, your laughter can expand my heart and  your loving touch can show me who I am. You choose me each day without expectation, condition or strings that bind. You choose me each day. You don’t have to. You love me with absolute certainty that bathes my soul with joyful laughter.

I will celebrate with honor the joy of loving you each day.  I bless the day you took your first breath and I will be loving you far beyond your last. Happy Birthday my dear Steve.

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Relax people, it’s just SEX!!

I claim that the people who support HB363 are standing up, not as a claim that the state takes better care of kids than parents, but as a path for further education IN ADDITION to the  jobs parents do at home. Just because my parents had sex and had me doesn’t make them the expert and all-knowing expert on sex, contraception and std’s, or myself for that matter 🙂
Why is it so threatening to further a child’s knowledge? If they already know it all from the parents, great 🙂  Now they have two places where they have learned the information. The assumption is that this bill offers the addition of further or more education for a child. What’s wrong with more education and knowledge? It’s a health issue and this bill stands for an educated society.
HB363 keeps the choice of “opting out” of the program that all parents have the opportunity to do today. If anything, this bill gives back some choice for the parent to have a “say” in what their children learn at school about this subject. Many parent’s “opt in” to public schools. Public schools are viewed as “learning institutions”. I’m just saying, let them learn.
This bill keeps “choice” as an option in the children’s knowledge of sexual health  in the “opted in” public schools by the parents.  This is not about, “who knows better”, it’s about giving our children knowledge about this health issue and not limiting their education about this subject. Public schools do exist and while it might not be the most desired by those who would rather see government out of people lives, while they exist, I will stand up for the option of allowing the students of public education to
be more educated than less on this subject.
“No one knows best”, I agree, but I’m not talking about “best”, I’m standing up for
having a knowledgeable child, who can then grow up and make their “best” decision, out of knowledge, not ignorance or incomplete teachings. I say learn it from the parents AND any other type of educational program. One doesn’t have to be exclusive to the other.
When people send their children to a public school, they are “agreeing” to what is taught. If they don’t like what is taught, they can take their children out and teach them themselves, or supplement at home or even fight for the content of the curriculum. This is a question about “what is taught” and keeping knowledge about their own sexual health is a disservice and dangerous to the students where the parent’s willfully send their children.
Parents send their children to public schools to get educated. That’s all I’m asking in support of this bill. Let the students be educated and gain knowledge as much as they can about this subject in regards to their health and safety, at home AND at school.
I would love to see government have less control in the lives of our families but as long as people send their kids to public schools, I will fight for the option of more knowledge when it comes to this issue.  As long as kids are being sent to schools, I want students to gain in knowledge, not less, or at the very least, give parents back the option to “choose “out” of the curriculum for their kids.

While there are government run schools and parents continue to choose this option, I stand for this bill to keep choice an option for parents andto support more knowledge given to the students, not less.

A Woman’s Reflection

I dare to look in the mirror of a woman whose eyes reflect back with a glistened gaze. Do I see sadness in those eyes? despair? regret? Do I see a lost someone who is searching for expression? I see you, I cry. I will not look away and pretend I do not see.

I stand before myself and the truth cannot be veiled. I see a woman who strives to be real. I see a woman who is willing to lose it all and embrace the pain of a heart that weeps in order to embrace herself. I see the shift in her gaze as I claim my truth.

I am strong. I am kind. I am enough. I am love. I am real. I am all.

I  look at my familiar gaze and I see the woman I am, one who honors choices made, who embraces all the shades of me.  I bathe one more look into the sea of vision with  understanding and compassion. I wrap myself with love and take a step towards the     mirror.

30 Days

30 days…it can seem such a short time and yet, here I am, 30 days of observing myself in a physically sick state. It’s interesting how experiencing and witnessing the pain of an unyielding sickness wreak havoc on my body, I attempt to fight, succumb and now observe the feel of each breath. Each morning as I wake, I wonder, “what will I feel today? Will pain be my companion or relief?” I have come to question my very state of existence and definition of who I am by experiencing my own companionship within the battle that rages within my cells.

Where did the time go? My eyes glance ahead but all I see is the glee of a childhood grin as I zoom like a bullet on my bike, oblivious to anything but the thrill of speed and the power of my legs as I ask for more and feel the air blow past my face with sheer bliss. I see a young school girl coming home from school, happy to be alone so she can dance like a butterfly with the whimsy of perfect movement that comes from a place that has no time. I see a young lady who hears the voice of her “crush” and she squeals with delight and her knees go weak. I see a young mother who struggles to find the strength inside to take on another “little one” and find the forever joy in the reflection of a child’s eye. I see a woman in her prime fighting for her identity, discovering her truth and letting go of loved ones once held in her arms. I see the maturing woman with grey in her hair and signs of tomorrows that come too soon as she waves, with loving gaze, to her children’s childhoods and feels the weight of transition under her feet.

The steps of choices once made come with the clarity of this shaped moment and I wonder…what is it all for? Tears fall as I wonder, when my eyes close for the last time, will I have done what I was born to do? Did I become all that I was supposed to be? Did I miss it? Did I somehow miss the path that was set before me? Did my fear, insecurity, doubt or lack of vision limit my unrecognized purpose?

As time passes and present states become memories the question remains.. who am I? As my physical body weakens and becomes fragile… what is left of me? When all has turned black and time no longer measures a life, what was it all for and what does it all mean?

The answers are individual, intimate and bathed in the possibilities and beliefs each person defines. I haven’t defined my answers as yet and maybe I never will….I only hope that when my eyes close for the last time, those that remain know that I loved the best I could and they feel that love within them as well.