I’m sitting here in my room, at 53 years of age, looking at my computer and feeling a yearning within my heart to reach people to say, You ARE Enough! You have always been enough and you’re NOT flawed. Flaws are a definition by some authority by which to judge one’s self and another. It comes from the judgment of perfection, which is another authority’s list of qualities by which no one needs to adhere to or believe in. I have this feeling inside myself that my story and what I have learned needs to be told “out there” in the world for others to witness so that they might find their voice, their truth and their empowerment and love themselves unconditionally. And yet, here I sit, writing words again that may never be seen by anyone. I see the mouthpieces that have found a path to be a voice that reaches millions such as Oprah Winfrey, Tony Robbins, Brene Brown, Eckart Tolle, Wayne Dyer and multiple authors of self-help books and I listen to their words and I scream in my head, I KNOW THIS, I’VE LIVED THIS! Why do I get to know this and live through experiences that have taught me this and yet I cannot find a way to get my message to the masses like them? I know the dance but I don’t know how to get to the stage with my message.
I’ve attempted to life coach, start a blog, make a website, post on FB a multitude of times and write every day and yet, my words seem to follow a path that seems to dissipate with each step. My heart aches for those who have not found their voice, or have given up or are convinced that they must believe in a paradigm that diminishes and teaches them that they are small, broken and wrong. My heart burns to teach others that they no longer have to listen to those voices within and outside their heads that keep them down. That they have the power to stand up if they will only trust the voice inside their head that says, “No more!” I question my own limiting thoughts and I refuse to believe in a perspective that leads me to feel subservient, not worthy, less than, bad, sick and wrong. This “waking up” has brought me to a place of empowerment, peace and trust within myself instead of looking up to be saved or told what to do. I look inward for answers and when it comes to how to share, empower and show this world a better way, I see an abyss of unknowing on how to make it so, and yet I feel compelled to keep searching for a way.
Why do I have this yearning but no path to follow? Why do all my paths seem to end with a whimper? Am I just kidding myself that I have anything of value to teach through my stories? Do I want too much? Am I just yearning for fame or power? Do I feel powerless in my life? Have I misunderstood that the yearning to make a difference is really a disguise to feel of value? Maybe….it’s something to consider but when I strip the layers of beliefs from within, I find value, worth and love at the center. Not because I’m special, or do anything great but because I am here. I exist and that’s enough.
My story is as valuable as the next guy or girl. We all have a story to tell. Why does mine seem so insignificant that I can’t find a path to express it and share it with multitudes? I want to change the world for the better and the only way for me to do that is to teach, show and challenge the status quo of mediocrity, inequality, beliefs that keep us small, dependent and unconsciousness. There is no 1,2,3, steps to follow. It’s not a clear path to proclaim in a how- to book or infomercial. It’s not a meme on social media or a wise saying. It’s a practice to walk the walk of authenticity and living 100% out loud by coming out of the shadow of guilt, fear and shame and viewing one’s wholeness as complete and ever expanding with each breath.
It’s not an easy path but the start can begin in an instant. An instant of clarity of awareness that we hold the power to question and choose the path of our lives. We can choose how to respond to this world and we can act and respond in a way that isn’t hurtful, defensive or inauthentic. We can step back and consciously choose a perspective that serves us, while letting those we touch claim their truth as well. Reality is nothing but perspectives mixed in with some facts. But mostly we create our reality with the perspectives viewed through the stories we tell ourselves.
I say, choose the story that lifts you up because when I don’t, my whole being feels weak, helpless and wallows in the dark misery of pain, guilt, shame and fear. I feel dead inside and it’s unbearable to stay there. I want to live, thrive and bask in the light of authenticity, peace, love and joy. I say, acknowledge and then reject to believe in the story that says, you are broken, you need to be saved, you can’t reach your dreams. Instead listen to the voice that says, You are ENOUGH! We all are! We always have been!!
Embrace the story that says feelings are okay, not to be feared. It’s the fear of feeling that can kills lives. It’s the suppression, denial and unwillingness to shine the light upon our deepest pains that damages us, those around us and leads to suffering and hopelessness. Once you let the feelings move through you, you can come through the other side with a realization that you did not die, you are still here, breathing in and out and nothing had to change externally for peace to encircle you. Embracing and allowing the feelings to flow through you, without judgment but only acceptance, can bring you to a place of unconditional love and because you were willing and had the courage to allow this to take place, you can find that you did not need to change who you are, the experience revealed the truth that was always there… YOU ARE ENOUGH….YOU ARE LOVE!
Maybe this story is all in my head. Maybe this story isn’t even true and maybe the masses don’t need to hear it said again by me and others, over and over. This message hasn’t changed for hundreds of years. It’s just been said in different ways, a thousand times over and yet, with all the voices speaking it out, there is still so much suffering in the world, so many conflicting, painful and cruel messages that are embraced and weaves throughout our psychology. So much pain and suffering from within. It’s bad enough that we have external painful issues to deal with like clean water, poverty, illness and disease but we also have the disease within our own minds. Disease within that says stay the course of helplessness, dependency, suffering and obedience. External voices that demand that you lay your rational mind on the altar of obedience to authorities that command to be worshiped and sell you the paradigm that you aren’t enough and never will be. That to be human is somehow minuscule in comparison to their story of conditioned love and blind obedience. You must change and be different, they say.
I for one reject that story of limitations and cruelty, along with damning judgments. I choose this day and every day to question that which keeps me small, whether it’s a voice from the pulpit, political arena or inside my head. My story may never reach the masses and my voice may never be heard from within the wilderness of humanity but it’s my voice and it’s ENOUGH!!